Post by the original michael on Jul 8, 2020 12:07:31 GMT -8
General Manager & Animal Comparisons
I'd like to thank Andrew for this idea! Let's have at it.
Disclaimer: Please don't be offended, I tried to do this as a fun little article. Nothing was meant to hurt anyone! If you are offended, then go jump off a cliff you babyback b*tch!
I'd like to thank Andrew for this idea! Let's have at it.
Disclaimer: Please don't be offended, I tried to do this as a fun little article. Nothing was meant to hurt anyone! If you are offended, then go jump off a cliff you babyback b*tch!
Boston Celtics - Brian H.
Animal Comparison - Raccoon
Why? Brian is an interesting character in this sim league. He's active at odd hours and seems like he'd rather talk about personal stuff than about his actual team. Recently, he's started to make some moves finally, trading Mike Bibby, Rasheed Wallace, Theo Ratliff. Now the man is eating trash like a Raccoon just to survive so we can thrive once the tank is complete.
Miami Heat - Kobe
Animal Comparison - Pigeon
Why? The man named Kobe is literally everywhere. I also find Pigeon's very annoying. They shit everywhere and make a mess. Kobe is fairly annoying himself. However, with that being said, Pigeons are also very intelligent animals. Kobe seems like he has a solid head on his shoulder's as well.
New Jersey Nets - Greeme
Animal Comparison - Octopus
Why? Octopus have 8 limbs. Greeme always seems to have 8 good big men on his roster. Octopus' have nine fucking brains and are very intelligent creatures. Greeme is also a very educated man who knows what he is doing in FBB.
New York Knicks - Skillz
Animal Comparison - Shark
Why? It's kind of obvious. He smells blood in the water and attacks via PMs. If you don't swim fast enough away from his novel-like negotiations, you'll find yourself eaten alive. Trust me, I'm lucky to have lived through it. I won't be shocked to see an episode catered to Skillz on the next Shark Week!
Orlando Magic - Trapstar
Animal Comparison - Sloth
Why? Trap is just a step too slow for BBS in my opinion. He's a fun, loving, nice guy...but he has yet to find his place here in BBS. He's been moving slow like a sloth here, in a league that moves very very fast, but will need to speed it up if he wants to survive the wild life of BBS.
Philadelphia 76ers - Stevie B
Animal Comparison - Pitbull
Why? Not Pitball the singer, or Mr. 305, but Steve. Steve has a big personality and comes hard at people when he disagrees. He's not afraid to speak his mind, which I find refreshing. Pitbull's are good dogs usually and get a bad rap due to shitty trainers who train them to be aggresive!
Washington Wizards - JAH
Animal Comparison - Pufferfish
Why? This is a fun comparison. Pufferfish can actually be very dangerous, but you'd never know! Pufferfish contain tetrodotoxin, a substance that makes them foul tasting and often lethal to fish. To humans, tetrodotoxin is deadly, up to 1,200 times more poisonous than cyanide. There is enough toxin in one pufferfish to kill 30 adult humans, and there is no known antidote. Ok, now why this works for Jah. He's sneakily built a very deadly team in Washington.
Atlanta Hawks - Footy
Animal Comparison - Kangaroo
Why? Uh, because he is from Australia?! Duh. He also hopped from the Orlando Magic to the Atlanta Hawks after his buddy break fell victim to the Contract Year. Oof.
New Orleans Hornets - Pig
Animal Comparison - Pig
Why? Do I even need to type anything out? Pretty self explanatory here. The Pig is a Pig!
Chicago Bulls - Play/Insane
Animal Comparison - Wolf
Why? Don't piss off the man named play or you'll see RAGE. General Managers around the league say that he oftengets aggravated and pissed off. I've yet to really see it, but yah. That, mixed with the fact that wolves travel in packs (play and insane) makes this an easy comparison.
Cleveland Cavaliers - Svedda
Animal Comparison - Bottlenose Dolphin
Why? Bottlenose Dolphins are some of the most intelligent animal species in the world. I believe that the man known as "svedda" is one of the most knowledgable FBB GMs in the game. He knows a think or two about this game, but the Dolphins are cute.
Detroit Pistons - Galo
Animal Comparison - Emperor Penguin
Why? Galo is a member of the Culo Crew, a crew that loves Culos. The Emperor Penguin is one of the world's horniest animals. They are also known to have scandalous sex lives.
Indiana Pacers - Sargo
Animal Comparison - Hawk
Why? I like to always be flying and looking for deals. Simple as that! I'll let you guys compare me to animals...ready....GO!
Milwaukee Bucks - Chipper
Animal Comparison - The Spix's macaw
Why? Well they are beautiful bright birds. Or should I say "were" beautiful bright birds. Currently, they are now extinct and is chipper continues down this same path, he'll find himself extinct as well.
Toronto - Game
Animal Comparison - Kitten
Why? Kittens are cute. Most people like Kittens because they are adorable. I'm more of a dog person myself. I'm actually allergic to cats, but that is besides the point. Game is cute and friendly!
Dallas Mavericks - Aaron
Animal Comparison - Tiger
Why? Tigers are active animals. Habes is an active GM. It makes sense. Tigers are always looking to hunt and pray on other animals and habes is always willing to make a move, even if the move may not be in his best interest at the time.
Denver Nuggets - COVID
Animal Comparison - Chicken (with it's head cut off)
Why? Royal loves to make win now moves, then rebuilding moves, then win now moves. He's all over the place, but knows what he's doing with FBB for the most part. I won't hate on it! Chicken's lay eggs and Royal lays trades. The trades look bad on the onset, but often work out. For example, Carmelo Anthony for Al Jefferson was a joke at the time, but Carmelo has not improved like many have though. Did it work out for the royal? Time will tell as the jury is still out on Al Jefferson, but he looks decent. Especially if camped!
Houston Rockets - Ilovebball
Animal Comparison - Wallabe
Why? According to some research, wallabe's love to get high as fuck. They usually get high on poppy plants in Australia and we know that Ahsan likes to indulge in the occasional narcotic.
Minnesota Timberwolves - Jeb
Animal Comparison - Koala
Why? I struggled here. Don't know much about this man. Koalas spend only two to six hours awake every day and it seems like jeb spends lesser time on BBS than most. Not a knock (again, I really am reaching here to find a comparison).
San Antonio Spurs - John
Animal Comparison - Bear
Why? He's built like a bear and can be as loving as a Teddy Bear. Don't get on his bad side, or he'll rip your head off! He also apparently is hibernating a lot of the last few months as he he's been inactive!
Utah Jazz - JR
Animal Comparison - Wombat
Why? They eat ass. It's confirmed according to a Buzzfeed article I found and everything you read on the internet is true. The man known as JR also loves to eat ass.
Memphis Grizzlies - Erbes
Animal Comparison
Gold fish - Goldfishes are known as one of the most gluttonous fish species in the world. They are known to can be fed to almost anything. Like goldfishes, erbes loves to eat/drink anything, including shitty white claws. He is also very gluttonous when it comes to free agency. The man loves to hand out max contracts like they are candy!
Golden State Warriors - Manas
Animal Comparison - Capybara
Why? Capybaras are very friendly animals, just like Manas. I've never seen manas get into it really with anyone here in BBS, unless I'm missing something. I've seen him get baited into arguments, but he never engages.
Los Angeles Clippers - Frangie
Animal Comparison - Cuckoo
Why? Cuckoos mimic 'harmless' species as a disguise to infiltrate host nests. Frangie has made his way into the "Hue Crew" GroupMe chat. How did he infilicate this chat? We know nothing about him. Interesting. Is he trying to sabotage us? Is he a spy? I guess we will find out sooner rather than later.
Los Angeles Lakers - Nanz
Animal Comparison - Sea Turtle
Why? Sea Turtles return to their birth place to reproduce. They always go back home. Nanz recently did the same thing, sort of. He traded for Gilbert Arenas, who he originally drafted back in the 2001 season.
Phoenix Suns - Andrew
Animal Comparison - Honeybee
Why? Honeybees are hard working animals and andrew seems like he works hard to make sure his team is the best it can be. I've made several deals with andrew through the first few seasons and it's always taken multiple pages through PMs to discuss a deal, but 9/10 times, we get the deal done. He's fairly easy to work with.
Portland Trail Blazers - Dan
Animal Comparison - Golden Retriever
Why? Dan is a nice guy who seems like he'd enjoy a nice game of catch or fetch! Golden's are great family dogs and are trustworthy, just like Dan!
Sacramento Kings - Ashes
Animal Comparison - Squirrel
Why? This man collects star players like he's a squirrel collecting nuts. He had Allen Iverson, Kobe Bryant, Ben Wallace, Steve Nash, etc etc. The list goes on and on. I respect it. He's a pretty good GM.
Seattle Supersonics - mark
Animal Comparison - Spotted hyena
Why? I have to admit, I don't know much about the man named mark. But since he's been here, he's been funny. Thats why I picked the Spotted hyena. You may better know it as the Laughing hyena.
